Why is it hard to be vulnerable?
I have been exploring this concept of vulnerability, specifically when it comes to people engaging with others. Over the past year and a half as the world moved almost everything online I observed how people interacted with each other. I was surprised to see the majority of people had their cameras off, a few unmuted themselves to talk and others only used the chat feature to type their thoughts….most did not engage at all.
It made me feel sad to witness this because I imagine that people felt scared to show themselves. We have created a world where most of us are afraid to show ourselves…to be seen. Even in my own online community the majority of people are not willing to introduce themselves. And yet most of us so desperately want to be seen and accepted. It takes vulnerability to even allow ourselves to be seen.
Being vulnerable is necessary for change…even Brené Brown says, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” This made me think about why it is so hard to be vulnerable? And how do we be vulnerable especially in a way that helps us rather than harms us?
When I looked up the definition I discovered that to be vulnerable “is to be susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm. It is exposing yourself at the risk of being hurt.” Just reading the definition has me feeling squirmy. Naturally we want to feel safe, so why would we want to potentially put ourselves in harms way?
Because we want change in our lives. We want to have a more fulfilling and joyous life. Most of us are tired of feeling the way we do and want something different.
And yet to change our lives it requires risk…it requires vulnerability…it requires exposing ourselves. Sometimes the risk of being hurt is greater than the desire to change. Which leaves us feeling stuck and staying where we are. This is where a lot of people are…stuck and staying where they are at.
Let’s go a level deeper though — We have determined that to be vulnerable is a risk of being harmed. But what is at risk of being harmed? Hmmmm
It is the beliefs we hold about ourselves that we don’t want to be true or to be reinforced. Those beliefs that we are not enough, not good and/or not worthy. That we might be rejected and abandoned.
And when we are vulnerable we risk reinforcing these beliefs that we often can’t even admit to ourselves because it is too painful to recognize. We often get a visceral response in our bodies when we lean into vulnerability. That can be challenging on our nervous systems and often stops us dead in our tracks.
In order to get unstuck and begin stepping into vulnerability requires us to start shifting our beliefs about ourselves and teaching our nervous systems that we are safe as we shift. We might feel uncomfortable but we are safe. It requires small steps, starting with being vulnerable with ourselves.
Are we willing to start looking and admitting to ourself what we believe about ourselves? Can we allow ourselves to feel any and all emotions that come up as we take that one small step? Can we breathe through each step until we regulate our nervous system and get comfortable with having taken that step?
As you start to experience the rewards of being vulnerable it gets easier and easier to be vulnerable. Eventually the rewards out weigh the risk. And your belief about yourself starts to shift for the better.
I encourage you to take one step forward. It could be introducing yourself in a community, asking for help, applying for that job, telling a friend that you are struggling, going out on that date, taking that dance class, admitting you are in debt, outing your shadow, or recognizing and allowing a feeling you are having, etc.
Are you willing and ready to be vulnerable? Get curious why or why not.
Much Love & Light,
Kerri-Ann
www.kerri-ann.com
