The Better Than Syndrome
How often do you hear, “at least I am better than so and so at XYZ”? Whether it was said by another or by yourself.
I was recently in a session with a client talking about a situation that arose with their children. They specifically asked for my feedback and after sharing my feedback their first response was, “At least I am better than my ex-husband at parenting.” I stopped her rather quickly as she proceeded to tell me all the ways she was better than her ex. I pointed out that I never once mentioned the ex in my feedback AND something was triggered within her that hit her sense of security.
When we compare ourselves to others then we are sourcing our worth and security outside of ourselves. Which means we don’t have power over these things. When this happens and someone becomes better than us at something, we feel less than and insecure.
For example: when we receive feedback and we source these things outside of ourselves, then we need to find someone we are better than to make ourselves feel secure again. This is what I like to call the Better Than Syndrome.
Raise your hand if you have done this? I know I certainly have.
My client is not to blame. None of us are blame for this.
This is conditioning/programing we picked up in childhood in order to survive. Some where along the way we felt insecure, not good enough, about something and about ourselves. When we compared ourselves to another we felt better…it is as if we said, “Phew, I am still good.”
When stuck in the Better Than Syndrome we will always need to find someone else to compare with in order to feel better about ourselves. But what happens when we can’t find someone to compare ourselves to? How might we feel then? (Ugh! Eek! Pow!)
What if we started sourcing our sense of security and worth within ourselves?
Once we begin to know and believe that we are worthy and we are secure with ourselves no matter what then the real shifts in our lives can take place.
After sharing this with my client she began to see how exhausting it was to outsource her security and worthy as well as how she was in the drama triangle with this. She was either in the victim seat (at the affect of), hero seat (saving) or villain seat (blaming) when she outsources her security and worthy. She recognized there is no growth in the drama triangle. That is when she shifted and started to take responsibility for her insecurities and lack of self worth.
You can do this also… it starts with noticing where you are outsourcing your sense of security and worthy.
Happy Self-Worth Making!
Much Love & Light,