Recently I had the privilege of facilitating a workshop for a bunch of young adults on connection, understanding and vulnerability. When I asked one of the participants to tell me more about why he liked volunteering his answer was, “When I volunteer I know I am not a bad person.”
I followed up with, ”Do you think you are a bad person?”
His answer was an authentic “No.”
I then asked him, “Are you afraid of being a bad person?”
He answered from a more timid place, “Yes.”
Phew, that is a lot to carry. He is afraid of being a bad person, therefore what is driving his actions and behaviors is the fear. Where is there any space to be creative, express yourself freely, to explore, to grow and be abundant if your life is driven by fear?
I remember when I could never allow myself to be lazy. In my childhood I had learned and witnessed that lazy meant you would amount to nothing and be exiled from the family. I created a fear around being lazy. Which was to prevent a deeper fear of not amounting to anything and being exiled.
My actions and behaviors became extreme that I constantly was on the go doing something, achieving, over-producing, etc. I totally neglected my own self-care that even a high school mentor told me that I need to stop and cut my toenails. Doing things for myself triggered that fear I wasn’t doing enough which therefore meant I was lazy. And I just couldn’t be considered lazy.
My life turned into a constant state of doing, doing and more doing. I was working 80 to 100 hours a week. And when my back blew out, because I was not taking care of myself, you would often find me on the floor of my office with my laptop on my belly working away. I was constantly needing to amount to something and to belong because I was running from the fear.
When I finally discovered the root of the fear and dissolved it then it no longer controlled my life. I have space for self-care. I stopped working crazy hours. When my body needs a break, I take it. I am no longer being driven by proving that I am not lazy, that I am amounting to something or that I belong. The fear is no longer there to need to prove it.
Imagine if this young man dissolved the fear…he would have the opportunity to volunteer from a place of love rather than from a place of fear of being a bad person. What a totally different energy that is. What a totally different experience he would have. What a totally different impact he could have moving forward.
Where are you operating from fear and don’t even realize it?
Much Love & Light,