If I loved myself, what would I do?

If I loved myself, what would I do?

I recently heard this question and thought it was a great way to check in with yourself, increase self-worth, bring more compassion towards yourself, support your boundaries and honestly cultivate more self-awareness.

Many of us struggle with acting from a place of self love for two reasons:

1.) we don’t believe we are worthy of love or of being loved.

2.) we don’t want to come off as selfish or worse as a narcissist.

So often we leave ourselves out of the equation in life. That is because some of us have not been taught to see ourselves as worthy of love or quite honestly not been taught to see ourselves at all. We have been taught that it is selfish to think of ourselves first.

Here is the thing, we can have both and.

We can both love ourselves and have consideration for others. A narcissist usually disregards others and their feelings. Loving yourself is not about disregarding others. Loving yourself is about honoring your needs, your feelings and doing what is best for you. Loving others is about honoring their needs and their feelings. And that doesn’t mean you are responsible for meeting those needs or responsible for their feelings. You recognize that they have them from a place of non-judgement. The same goes for recognizing your needs and your feelings from a place of non-judgement. Neither is better than another.

Let me share an example from my own life:
Many years back I ended a romantic relationship with an incredible man. It was a hard decision to make but one that was necessary as I realized we were not a fit together. I shared with him that I needed time to feel from the loss of the relationship. As much as it was not a fit, I still loved this man and had many feelings to process.

A few weeks after our breakup he reached out really upset over his mother dying. His mother died during our relationship and it was devastating for him. He wanted someone to hold space for him and therefore came to me as that was something I did for him during our relationship.

A had a hard time with this because a part of me wanted to be there for him during this tough time. I also knew that it was going to be more challenging for me to grieve this relationship and get to the other side of it if I reengaged with him in this way. It was not an easy decision to make.

In the end I decided not to reengage with him. This was super uncomfortable for me and I had a lot of judgements about myself. It was one of the first times I put my needs first. I realized that I did not need to be responsible for him or for playing the role I played during our relationship. And, I considered his feelings and did not disregard them.

Next time you have a big personal decision to make ask yourself, “If I loved myself, what would I do?” and see what comes up for you.

Remember you deserve to love yourself.

Much Love & Light,



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