I threw away the cookies
About 5 years ago my partner at the time and I were going to watch the Super Bowl together. This was not something I normally do but surprisingly my Brazilian partner loved American football. I thought it would be a nice make some homemade chocolate chip cookies since this was not something they really had in Brazil. Just finding chocolate chips was a challenge and in the end I had to buy a bulk size bag as that was all I could find.
My roommate, who happened to be a trained chef, was joining us for the game and made food for all of us to enjoy too. When my partner got to the apartment he gawked over my roommate’s creations. This triggered me badly that my reaction was almost uncontrollable. I picked up the plate of cookies and threw them in the trash. Not something a normally calm, understanding and compassion person that I am, would normally do.
That part of me that got activated was a little girl within me who thought she didn’t matter. I was reacting from that little version of me, the still hurt part of me.
There were many things from my childhood that happened where I took on the story that “I don’t matter”. My mother fell down the stairs with me and she didn’t come to pick me up to make sure I was alright. My father left when I was 2.5 years old and I felt like I didn’t matter. This is not to blame my parents. My mother, 40 years later, explained she felt so guilty for falling down the stairs with me that she didn’t want to touch me for fear of hurting me more. My father leaving was about him, not about me. But that little girl created a story about it.
And later that story showed up with me reacting by throwing away cookies. That reaction gave me an opportunity to realize where I was still carrying hurt from a story (I don’t matter) I made due to events that happened a long time ago. The work has been one of healing that wound and dissolving the story. The story that “I don’t matter” is just that…a story.
Are you ready to stop reacting from a place you feel you can’t control?
Join the New Year, New Reality, free online event on Dec. 27th — 29th where will dive in deeper to this topic. Learn more and save your spot here.
Much Love & Light,
Kerri-Ann
www.kerri-ann.com
